He’s the leader of the pack, the strong man, an unquestioned authority, and he can sweep you off your feet if you’re not careful. He is the alpha male.
And while it can sound like he’s a totally dominating “top dog” who has little feeling or sensitivity, it’s not all snarl and domination with an alpha man if you know how to handle your love relationship with him.
Some of my clients often worry that dating an alpha male can be a real problem, but I’ve learned there are ways to ensure your alpha male relationship bears real fruit and you can turn it into the best romance of all.
Here’s everything you need to know about dating or being in a relationship with an alpha male.
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What Is an Alpha Male?
An alpha male is the leader of the pack. He’s the dominant male personality type, and he’s characterized by being highly self-confident, a natural leader, and the one to always make the decisions. Alpha men tend not to take kindly to criticism, and they are less likely to discuss things with you before making up their mind.
Being so dominating and in charge, an alpha man is also more inclined to do things no matter what you say as their partner. They expect everyone to fall in line, and that includes their romantic partner.
Why Is Dating an Alpha Male Difficult?
If you’ve never been in a relationship with an alpha male, consider it like being trapped in a bottle of champagne – you’ll get bubbled around, always being pushed to the top, giddy with delight, and also nervous that you’ll lose him.
Since an alpha male is dominating and always in charge, it can make you feel either protected or overridden, and depending on your personality, you may find either a serious turn-off.
Making a Relationship with an Alpha Male Work
Fortunately, there’s quite a lot you can do to win over your alpha man, making him your partner and equal relationship leader. With some clever planning and attention to detail, you can have the best possible relationship with an alpha male, and it could turn into your ultimate partnership too.
Here are a few tips to make a relationship with an alpha male work and set relationship goals.
Don’t Try to Dominate Him
Just because an alpha male is dominant, doesn’t mean you should try to be the boss and dominate him. While alpha men respect strong leadership in their partner, they won’t tolerate being pushed around.
If you want to make things work with your alpha date and partner, you need to show a quiet strength, without “stealing the show” from him.
Avoid Trying to Soap Him Up
While you can’t try to out-bark your alpha partner, you shouldn’t try to manipulate him or soap him up so he’ll see things your way. He’s a leader, which means he can sniff a “player” a mile away, so don’t try to use manipulation on him.
Instead, offer him genuine strength and compassion, and don’t try to be needy and claim his attention that way.
When you are genuine in who you are, your alpha date will see you as a valuable person to have around. So leave the soaping for those romantic bubble baths instead.
Instill Respect for You
You can’t force respect out of someone. Your alpha male date needs to respect you because you are worthy of respect. So show him you are dignified, have integrity, and are a worthy partner to him.
There are a few ways to earn his respect (and his undying loyalty):
- Speak in a dignified manner
- Don’t provoke him
- Settle conflict in a mature manner
- Step up to responsibilities
- Be respectable in your dress, actions, and attitude
Invite His Soft Side to Come and Play
Alpha men project an image of their invincibility and that they are a rock, but you probably suspect the alpha you are dating has a soft side. We all need to be vulnerable with someone whom we care about, and who cares about us.
If you’ve earned his respect by showing you are a person with integrity and compassion, your alpha date will be more likely to open up and show you their vulnerable side. Being vulnerable with someone is easier when you’ve seen them be vulnerable with you, so you’ll have to lead the way in this.
When you feel your alpha date and partner is trustworthy, you can let your guard down a little and show him your softer side. Show him it’s okay to be vulnerable with someone you love. When he’s ready, he will follow your lead, and this is a great opportunity to deepen your relationship further.
Rise to the Challenge
While being in a confrontational relationship with an alpha male isn’t a good idea, you should also learn to stand your ground on things that really matter. Remember, if you want to partner with an alpha, you need to be worthy of them. This means you need to put your foot down when it’s best for you.
So pick your battles and find points, such as what gets discussed with other people, where and when you see each other, and how you allow yourself to be treated, and stand your ground on these.
Keep Yourself on a Leash (If You Have a Hot Temper)
We all have something that just breaks us and unleashes our inner b!tch. But when you’re with an alpha, you need to be extra mindful of that weakness, know what triggers you, and when you are most likely to snap. While we’re all human, you need to keep a hot temper on a leash.
When you and your alpha partner are out in public, or if his friends come over, you need to be the picture of control. You can’t lose your temper and roast him where it can affect his image or self-respect.
No alpha (male or female) will stand for that. Letting your personal leash slip will only make your alpha lose respect and love for you.
Don’t Nag or Be a Drag
Alpha partners want to run the show, which means there’s supposed to be a show. If you’re not the outgoing and entertaining type, then this is not a relationship that will work. You have to match his level of interest, adventure, and energy. Alphas tend to be upbeat and positive about life (after all, nobody follows a leader who’s down in the dumps).
So find your inner energy, match his exuberance for life, and stop whining. Your alpha date wants to be with a partner who motivates them to show up every day and invest in the relationship.
Communicate Openly
Communication is key in any relationship, but when you and your alpha partner don’t talk, it’s a recipe for disaster. Your alpha will likely be a good communicator (leaders always are), and they will expect you to be clear in what you want from them.
So don’t beat around the bush. Tell him when things are bothering you, and tackle sensitive topics head on – in private, of course.
Use communication to bring you closer together. Alpha men are often portrayed as macho men who use every muscle except their brain, but this is far from the truth. Your alpha partner has a deep interest in something, so find out what that is, dive deep, and discuss things that matter and can become a shared interest to you both.
Some topics you can easily communicate to your alpha partner (as long as you do so respectfully) are:
- He’s overlooked you in something. Tell him that when he includes you in decisions, you feel valued.
- Boundaries and respecting them. Perhaps your alpha partner takes over conversations, not leaving room for your thoughts. Use your talks to express how you’d also like to be heard.
- Sharing the load. Talk with your alpha partner about doing things together, carrying your share of the responsibility, and creating equality.
- Listening with care. If you listen to your alpha partner, you will quickly find topics they want to talk about (even if they don’t directly mention these).
- Expectations. Alphas are good communicators, and you can really get to the heart of your relationship (or future relationship) by discussing things like your expectations, what each of you want, and where you see yourselves in the near future. You’ll be surprised when you really have your alpha engage and discuss these things with you.
The Last Alpha Thoughts
Are you ready for a serious relationship with an alpha partner? Don’t believe stereotypes about this male personality type. You’ll find that alpha men are not just muscle men who dominate everything around them.
Building a lasting relationship with an alpha starts from that first date, so take the time to assure him you’re not his competition but that you are his strongest supporter and worthy of his respect and love.
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