The saying “men are from Mars and women are from Venus” couldn’t be truer when it comes to relationships. The relationship differences between men and women can make a romantic connection utterly confusing and frustrating. It can also make things interesting, fun, and an adventure.
I know from my personal experiences while I was still dating and now that I’m happily married that things get even more complicated if there are cultural and religious differences too.
But let’s get to the core of what women want in a relationship, what makes men and women happy, what are their needs, and some other pieces of advice to help you navigate the tangled world of romance.
What are the 5 most important things we consider in a relationship?
What I value in a relationship might differ from what other women think is important. Yet, most women agree on these relationship staples.
In a modern relationship, here are the 5 most important things we women value:
1. Be emotionally intelligent
Being emotionally intelligent is one of the key ingredients of making your love last. It helps you strengthen your partnership, build connection beyond just a physical one, and increases intimacy.
Emotional intelligence, in short, is the ability to be aware of and express your emotions in a healthy way. Being emotionally intelligent enables you to show up in a relationship and be a responsible partner because you can be empathetic, exercise healthy boundaries, and engage in constructive conflict management.
2. Match my love language
How do you know your partner loves you if they don’t meet your love language?
Sharing the same love language in a relationship certainly makes things easier, but chances are you and your partner have different love languages. Not knowing what each other’s love language is and how to meet them leads to disconnection and misunderstanding.
For example, if your love language is the use of words of affirmation (“I love you,” “I care about you,” or “I want the best for you”) and your partner’s love language is physical touch, you may not feel loved if your partner is constantly hugging you, touching your arm, or rubbing your shoulder.
You may think your partner simply wants sex, when they are actually saying “I love you.”
3. Communicate with me
The importance of communicating (and communicating well) with your partner can never be underestimated. When you communicate, it requires that you listen to your partner too. There is no use in words coming out of your mouth when you don’t listen to what your partner is also saying, and vice versa.
Not communicating at all is just as bad as communicating badly. It results in misunderstandings, fights, distrust, guesswork, lack of respect, and negative feelings.
Communicate with your partner so you can understand them, share what you are going through so you can get the support and love you need, be transparent, and grow your love.
4. Understand consent
No one wants to be in a relationship where they feel unsafe or even uncomfortable telling the other partner that they don’t feel like sex. Understanding the nuances of consent helps you also explore each other’s sexual boundaries.
Have chats about what you like and dislike, what you feel comfortable exploring, what your safe word is, and make sure to respect your partner’s preferences, just like they should respect yours. These conversations about consent and physical boundaries bring you closer together.
5. Value my personal space
When people start dating, they are so enamored with their partner that they forget they are a person too, and sometimes unknowingly, they let their personal life wither away. Everything becomes about their partner and they try to spend each moment of every day together, doing everything together.
This results in a loss of individual identity in a relationship. When the “honeymoon phase” fades, you will be left asking “who am I?”
When you start dating someone, don’t lose sight of who you are. Respect your partner’s personal space and the life they have separately from you. Do activities together, but also make space for yourself. It’s healthy to prioritize yourself so you can take care of your individual needs and avoid becoming codependent on your partner.
Having time for yourself also helps ensure the time spent with your partner stays exciting and something to be grateful for.
After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?
What makes a man and a woman happy?
Being attentive to each other’s needs makes a guy and a woman happy when they are dating or in a committed relationship.
To meet each other’s needs, you need to:
- Communicate with your partner to let them know what your expectations are in the relationship
- Share and enforce your boundaries
- Give each other space to breathe and spend time with friends and family
- Know what your partner’s love language is so you can make sure they feel loved and valued in the way they understand
- Be affectionate and show you care
What holds a relationship together?
In his book, Why Can’t You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns That Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship, psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein found that understanding holds relationships together.
Deep understanding means you have empathy for your partner and what they experience. By showing empathy, you become more aware of the person you love. Really listening to your partner is essential to showing empathy because you can better respond to your partner’s needs.
Every person wants to be understood, heard, and seen. You can show your partner they are understood, heard, and seen when you understand them (or even just make an effort to understand).
I believe that you will meet their love language, be more emotionally intelligent, communicate better, and value your partner with this deeper understanding. Empathy also forsters a healthy love for each other, and it builds trust, respect, and lasting commitment.
What are a man’s and woman’s needs?
I think that people often think men and women have different needs when it comes to relationships. At times, sure, our needs don’t align, but overall, men and women have the same basic needs in a relationship.
The relationship needs men and women have are:
- To be loved. Every person has a foundational need for someone to love them.
- To be desired. In a relationship, you want to feel that your partner desires you, whether it is being present in the moment, having date nights, making love, dressing up for each other, or sending sexy texts.
- To spend time together. When you spend time with your partner, you get to know them and you develop an understanding for who they are. Time spent together also reveals what you have in common with each other and fosters a connection on physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental levels.
- To grow together. Couples who grow together, stay together, right? Yip. Every person learns and grows as they go through life. Ideally, you need a partner who grows with you and in the same direction too so you don’t grow apart.
- To have comfort and/or certainty. Certainty brings comfort. You’ll feel safe if you know your partner is always there for you.
- To feel enough. We often don’t feel like we are enough in who we are to someone. If your partner makes you feel like you are significant and that you matter, you are enough. With feeling that you are enough, you are free to authentically be who you are and love your partner for who they are.
What do men and women want in a relationship?
Are the needs and wants of men and women really different when it comes to relationships? Needs and wants are the minimum requirements you have to be happy and fulfilled in your relationship.
Needs are essential to our survival and mental or physical well-being while wants are desires and quite superficial.
So, yes, what we need in relationships is different from our wants.
Wants that men and women have in romantic relationships are a partner that:
- Has specific physical traits (tall and muscular built, or smart and nerdy, or something in between)
- Comes from a certain cultural or religious background that matches your own or that may be different from yours
- Has a certain income level, especially if you are used to a higher standard of living or luxuries
- Has an under-graduate degree or an MA or Ph.D
- Has lots of shared interests
- Can meet your every need and be your best friend
Some of the best pieces of relationship advice online
Online dating can feel like quite the minefield that you need to safely navigate to find the partner that can meet your relationship needs.
Here are 25 of the best pieces of relationship advice to help you when you start dating or even if you are in a committed relationship:
- Make sure the dating site is legitimate.
2. Protect your identity until you feel comfortable sharing it.
3. Don’t send money to your date(s).
4. Don’t get too personal too fast.
5. Don’t be afraid to say no.
6. Create a profile that mirrors your relationship needs.
7. Be your authentic self.
8. Schedule check-ins to talk about your relationship goals and/or problems.
9. Be honest about how you feel.
10. Respect your partner.
11. Listen to your partner.
12. Support your partner.
13. Have empathy.
14. Trouble-shoot together.
15. If you aren’t sure, ask for clarification.
16. Learn your partner’s love language and show them you love them.
17. Don’t be afraid to have the difficult conversations.
18. Practice gratitude for your partner, appreciating what they mean to you, and what they contribute to your life every day.
19. Don’t guess. Ask.
20. Prioritize “together” time and value personal boundaries and space.
21. Fight fair when conflict pops up.
22. Keep your identity; don’t get lost in the relationship.
23. Remember that you make yourself happy; your partner adds to your happiness.
24. Remember important dates in your partner’s life.
25. Always be kind.
A list of our relationship guides
- Exclusive Dating: Definition, Rules & Apps
- 4 Signs That It’s The Right Time to Move From Dating to a Relationship
- The 5 Stages of a Relationship: From Meeting to Commitment
- How to Spot Red Flags in Your Relationship
- The Best Goals for a Stronger, Healthier and Happier Relationship
- 12 Relationship Rules to Strengthen Your Love
- 9 Signs You Need to End a Relationship Now
- 10 Habits Every Happy Couple Has to Keep Their Relationship Strong
- Not a Two-Way Street: 9 Signs You Are in a One-Sided Relationship
- 15 Tips to Keep That Spark in Your Relationship
- 7 Long Distance Relationship Problems to Watch out For (+ Solutions)
- 12 Ways to Holistically Increase Intimacy for a Healthy Relationship
- 13 Unmistakable Signs You’re in the Right Relationship
- 10 Easy and Effective Ways to Rebuild Your Broken Relationship
- 35 Quotes From the Heart for When You’re Apart
- 65 Essential Questions for Couples to Build Intimacy
- 5 Signs He Doesn’t Want a Relationship With You
- What Is an Open Relationship?
- Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Want a Relationship?
- How Important Is Sex in a Relationship?
- What Is a Platonic Relationship?
- How to Rebuild Trust in a Relationship: 7 Effective Ways
- 45 Greatest Flirting Questions That Will Make Any Woman Weak in the Knees
- I Need You: 5 Ways Women Need Too Much From Their Men
Wanna find out how to meet an amazing foreign woman and have experience in International dating, but you have no idea how to start it. Keep calm, we are right here to help! ☝️ Ask Krystyna
