I can’t tell you how many days I spent camped out in my bedroom watching heart-wrenching romance movies (#thenotebookislife) and overindulging in ice cream to mend my broken heart. When I started dating, there were too many of these days.
Starting out, I probably made every mistake in the book. I wanted to make my crush happy and started doing everything he did because he loved it (and I didn’t). I learned the hard way that there is so much more to love than chemistry.
Not everyone is compatible, and you shouldn’t force it on them or yourself.
If you feel that love just isn’t working out for you, I’ve got 5 mistakes that will help you avoid making the same mistakes twice.
5 Mistakes That Are Sabotaging Your Chances of Finding Love
I wish someone had told me about these mistakes when I was dating. I would have avoided so much heartache and confusion. It is never easy admitting that you made a mistake, but do you know what the beauty of a mistake is? You can learn from it.
If you are in a situation where love just seems to be avoiding you and you just can’t get to that point where things are made official, it’s time for you to look at some of the online dating mistakes you may be making (or repeating #raiseshand).
Here are the top 5 mistakes that opened my eyes to the fact that I was (unintentionally) sabotaging my chances of finding love.
1. You’re Stuck in Your Own Head
This mistake holds the most power in my opinion. Your mind can be a wonderful place, but it can also be a dangerous place if you don’t rein in your thoughts.
I am an overthinker, and this trait caused some big issues for me when I was dating. In fact, it was probably one of the main reasons my previous relationships broke up, or I backed away from relationships.
Getting stuck in your head is no fun for you or your partner, as you end up making up scenarios or over-analyzing situations based on something your partner said (or didn’t say). People that get stuck in their own heads often come across as self-absorbed and judgmental.
Another problem with getting stuck in your head is your partner may feel that you are never truly present in the moment, as you are continuously rehashing the past or predicting the future.
You may also come across as harsh because you’ve become so involved in a made-up situation that you’ve forgotten to separate reality from your made-up scenario.
2. You’ve Turned Into a Chameleon
Losing yourself in a relationship because you have turned into a chameleon is another crippling mistake that affects your relationship in the long-run. Chameleons change colors to adapt to their surroundings, and some people do this to match their partners’ behavior and their surroundings.
I know we all want to impress our crushes or partners, and sometimes we do this by adapting and changing “colors” to suit the other person’s life. A chameleon will like everything their partner likes (even though they have no interest in it), and sometimes they take it as far as copying their mannerisms.
If this continues, the person will eventually have no opinions of their own and lose their unique identity. If the relationship ends, all the memories will be only of things their partner loved to do.
I dated a chameleon before, and it was cute in the beginning. It felt like I’d met my dream guy, but it became frustrating and tedious as the relationship grew. I started realizing that he was telling me what I wanted to hear. I never really got to know the real him. In a nutshell, you don’t want to date yourself.
3. You’re Ignoring the Warning Signs
Okay, so you’re determined to make this relationship work (or happen). You are excited and in love, and things are going well. But then you start ignoring all the warning signs and dismissing all the red flags.
Suddenly, he’s making excuses to see you, or things just do not add up. For instance, he says he’s going to pick you up at a certain time, and just before the time, he calls you to cancel. You brush it off, but then you find out he was seen at the movies with someone else.
You might find yourself making excuses for him, which is never a good thing. This is a sign that he doesn’t consider your relationship as exclusive, and he’s not taking your feelings into consideration.
If you carry on ignoring the obvious, you are potentially sabotaging your chances of finding love with someone who actually wants to spend time with you.
4. You’re Only Focusing on the Future
While it’s great to focus on the future, it’s important not to allow your thoughts of future plans, marriage, and kids cloud your judgment. A relationship is about getting to know someone, and you should take your time and enjoy the process of getting to know them.
Rushing ahead to the end game will stop you from enjoying the little moments (the special moments). Personally, if I went on a first date (or second or third date for that matter) with someone and they started talking about our future plans, I would be very stressed out and run for the hills.
Now, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to dream about the future. Obviously, you would like a relationship to go to the next level, but getting too serious too quickly can sabotage your chances of finding love with someone. Relax, and take it slow.
5. You’re Making Assumptions
So you’ve been on your first date. It was perfect, and you feel the chemistry between the two of you, and you decide to go on another date. This one goes well, and the chemistry is evident. Before you know it, you’re hanging out more often and texting regularly.
The problem comes in when you start making assumptions about your relationship. You might find yourself in a situation where you introduce your partner to a family member, and you refer to him as your boyfriend.
Now things are awkward as neither of you has made this official, and maybe he wasn’t even aware that that’s how you felt. Because of your assumption, the texts become less, and suddenly you aren’t hanging out as much, and most times, the what-was-actually-a-friendship and one-sided relationship fizzles out.
The Last Mistake
Focusing solely on the other person is one of the biggest mistakes of all. While we want to make a good impression and make the other person feel special and loved, it’s not healthy to focus solely on your partner.
So you need to put in some “me time” as well. If you are happy and fulfilled, then it’s so much easier to find love. You will be comfortable within yourself, and you won’t feel the need to impress and please someone continuously for them to love you.
Try to avoid making these relationship-crushing mistakes, and know that you are enough, just the way you are.