As a couple, you want to get to know everything about each other and deepen your trust and commitment.
Finding out about your partner is something that’s best not left to chance. If you’re going to wait for them to tell you about that traumatic experience they had as a child that shaped who they are today, you may wait forever if you don’t prompt them.
Sharing without any guidance is challenging, and you may also struggle with giving your partner the low-down on you without a little help, which is where couples’ questions come in.
These 50 questions will help you and your partner share in depth what your shaping influences, preferences, and experiences are.
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These questions should be approached in a safe space with a sense of humor too as you open up and share, giggle, and learn more about each other.
- What was your first impression of me? And how did you think I saw you?
- What impressed you the most about me when we met, and what impresses you the most about me today?
- How did you feel the first time we went on a date? What went right about the date and what went wrong?
- Why did you ask me out when you did? Were there outside forces at work, or did you feel like destiny was at work?
- When you were a kid, what were your favorite foods, and how did you like these to be prepared?
- Who was your best childhood friend, and are you still friends? What did they bring to your development as a person?
- Did you have a special place you liked to go visit, go on holiday, or hide out at as a child? What about this place made it special?
- Where did you grow up as a kid, and what was life like there?
- What made you decide to pursue the career you are in now? Do you see yourself doing it for the next 20-30 years?
- Name three pet peeves that really work you up when you see these. Why do these annoy you so much?
- When you are feeling down, what is your “pick-me-up” go-to activity? What about this activity cheers you up?
- What is the best dream you’ve ever had? What did you like about it?
- How many times in a day do you think about me or us? What do you usually think about us?
- Recall the best moment for you that we’ve had in our relationship so far. What happened?
- What do you think is my love language, and how do I express love
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- How do you feel when others compliment me in public? What comments get you worked up, and what comments make you feel proud of me?
- What do you like to get or feel from an apology? How have you had to apologize to me in the past?
- Who is your favorite superhero? What qualities about this character most inspires you?
- Do you believe in love at first sight? Do you see yourself being in this relationship for the rest of our lives?
- How do you feel about your partner keeping secrets? Do you believe that some secrets should be kept between partners
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- What are you like at your best and also at your worst? Are there any aspects about yourself you are proud of and also some that you’re ashamed of?
- Have you ever cheated on me or a previous partner? What made you do it or refuse to do it?
- What do you see our future as being like? Describe our careers, life together, family, place of residence, and finances.
- Do you prefer to share with me, or would you rather make sacrifices for me?
- Do you think my family likes you, or do they feel ambivalent toward you?
- As a kid, what was your favorite food to eat, and what is your absolute favorite now as an adult?
- What do you wish I was more accepting of? How does my lack of insight in this make you feel?
- What do you enjoy most about our relationship? What aspect of our relationship makes your heart beat faster?
- What would you consider to be grounds for cheating on your partner? Have you ever cheated on a partner?
- What is the worst breakup you’ve ever been through? What helped you cope?
- Name a couple of crazy hobbies you’ve tried before and why you quit them.
- Describe your ideal date and how you’d make the occasion special.
- Are there any elements of our relationship that you’d change? What and how?
- Does my family like you, and do you like them? If not, why?
- If your partner makes a mistake, how quickly do you forgive them?
- What does an apology for a serious relationship transgression look like to you?
- On a scale of 1-10, how much do you trust your partner with 10 being completely and 1 being not at all? How can they gain more of your trust?
- What did you change about yourself for a past partner?
- If your partner calls you right now, how would you feel about talking to them?
- Would you say you and your partner laugh together often and how much does it take to get that joint laugh?
- As a younger person, who was your role model when it came to relationships? What about this person impressed you the most and how have you tried to include it in your relationship model today?
- Does your partner satisfy your sexual needs, and what would you like for them to do more of in the sexual arena?
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- When change happens, how do you cope with it, and what do you do to keep yourself on track in life and in your relationship?
- What is your relationship like with your parents, and what part of their relationship with you would you like to copy in raising your own children one day?
- When it comes to money, what are your money values and how do you decide what to spend money on and how much to save? How do you feel about you and your partner earning the same, or your partner earning more than you?
- If a relationship doesn’t work out, how would you suggest the people involved separate or part ways? If there were children involved, how should both parties manage their joint responsibilities of being divorced or separated parents?
- Should you have children one day, how would you tell them about the big things in life like, money, sex, politics, people, friendship, love, and integrity?
- How do you see your retirement being spent one day? What activities would you most like to engage in when you no longer have the pressures of work and responsibilities?
- What would your funeral be like one day if you could plan it yourself and write your own eulogy and design your own tombstone? Who would you invite, and why?
- If you could go back in time to when you were 10 years old, what would you tell your younger self and how would you expect them to respond? What advice would your younger self give your older adult self?
Final Tips for Great Relationship Questions
If you want to build your relationship, it’s important to listen to each other and not be distracted by thinking about the answer you wanted to get to these questions. Really hear your partner, letting their insights and answers inspire you both to positive change.
For more on great relationship questions, check out my article on 65 Questions to Build Intimacy.