Without sounding like a feminist, there are some things women simply ask too much of from their men. Women often over-need things from their men, placing them in a dependent position and leaving them vulnerable to manipulation and abuse.
Being overly needy is also not great for your partner who has to constantly be the giver in the relationship instead of it being an equal relationship.
In a healthy relationship, you take care of each other’s needs and each takes care of their own needs.
5 Common Ways That Women Over-Need Their Men
While it’s okay to need these things some of the time, being dependent on your man for these makes it an over-need and can lead to serious relationship red flags and issues.
Money
In the current age, it’s not okay for a woman to have all her financial requirements met by her partner. Even if you’re a stay-at-home mom, you should be able to generate some form of income, whether by making and selling fruit preserves or taking care of a few of the neighbors’ kids.
Your partner isn’t solely responsible for meeting all your financial needs. If you make him responsible for the money in your relationship, you place yourself at a disadvantage, and it’s not fair to place all of that strain on him either.
By both partners generating income, you lighten the shared financial burdens, and you bring some breathing space into the relationship. That’s what an equal partnership is about.
Taking the Initiative
Women are enjoying more freedom today than ever before, yet many women still wait for the man to take the initiative in all things. From making the first move to initiating sex to deciding where to go on holiday, women tend to over-rely on their man to do it all.
Still bound by a traditional sense of waiting for Prince Charming, many women over-rely on the man being the first one to reach out and confess their love. Instead, dive into love and go find it for yourself.
There are dating apps like Bumble that promote the women-first ideology where the woman needs to make the first move to connect to potential partners. Why not do this in real life?
Instead of waiting for your boyfriend to take you on dates, take him on a date by being an active partner and not a passive one. Don’t wait for that marriage proposal—step up for love and ask him (whether it’s leap year or not). Over-relying on the man to do everything first means you will end up waiting a long time if you are with a partner who isn’t secure enough to always take the initiative.
Emotional Need to Feel Good
I’m going to say it—you make you feel good. It’s not up to your partner to make you shine. While it’s nice if they polish you and help you feel amazing, it’s not their responsibility. Your man isn’t a chamois that is there to help you look flawless.
It’s not his responsibility to constantly compliment you and make you feel good. Instead, you should feel good about yourself, which will catch his eye and his appreciation. He chose to be with you because you shine. It’s not his responsibility to make you shine so stop relying on him to meet your emotional needs.
While you are in a relationship and there’s a certain shared identity, you are still you—a woman with power—and you should not over-rely on him to make you better. He’s your partner, not your psychologist or plumber, and you are his partner, not a broken pipe or pet project.
Being Your Only Social Partner
I recently attended a social gathering, and I was struck by how clingy or needy some women were. They couldn’t let go of their partner’s hand. When the men spoke to their friends, the ladies were hanging off them like scarves.
In hindsight, I realized these ladies were probably unable to go out on their own or socialize with anyone other than their partners. When you enter a relationship, you are not supposed to only hang out with your man. He isn’t your social rock that you are anchored to.
Mingle.
Meet new people; socialize with your old friends. Show that you trust your partner, and he will trust you too. Social gatherings are there for both of you to enjoy. Stop micromanaging your partner and over-needing his presence.
Needing Him to Anticipate Your Needs
Okay, this is a biggie. Many ladies simply can’t tell their man in clear terms what they want him to do. They over-need him to know without them saying anything. Perhaps it’s a lack of assertiveness on the lady’s part, but either way—if you don’t spell it out, he won’t get it, and he won’t do it.
Women over-rely on the idea that as her partner, her man should instantly know what she wants, how she wants it, where she wants it, and he should simply do it—all without her saying a word. Unless you’re a silent movie with subtitles, your man isn’t going to get it or do it.
Sure, it’s nice to have a man who will occasionally make you a cup of tea without waiting for you to ask or who will tidy up the bathroom before you throw a tantrum. But expecting this all the time is how you and your partner fall into malcontent.
Rather, get into the habit of being assertive and very, very clear in what you want from him. Try it on for size:
“Honey, please can you make me some tea?”
“Dear, I don’t have time to fetch the kids from school, please fetch them at three after their soccer match.”
“Babe, I’m running late from work. Can you pick up some takeout for us?”
“Darling, I need you to go make the bed while I slip into something sexy.”
Be clear in what you want. Stop relying on him to know without any hints that you need him to do something for (or to) you. The strange thing you will realize is that the less you rely on him to anticipate your needs, the better he will get at them when you start telling him exactly what you want.
Are You Over-Needy of Your Man?
You may wonder if you are being over-needing of your man. Perhaps you can’t think of being more needy than other women, so try these questions on for size:
- Do you constantly want the same thing from him - money, initiatives, that he makes you feel good, that he takes you out, and that he will know what to do around the house or simply know how to treat you?
- Before you ask him for something, did you consider whether you can do it yourself?
- How does he react to your needs?
If your man is beginning to show a disinterest in meeting your needs, it could be an indication that you are over-using them. When it comes to getting your needs met, you should be responsible for at least 50% of those needs.
If you expect him to meet more than 50% of your needs, you are over-relying on him to be your provider, caretaker, and benefactor—but then he’s no longer your partner.
Remember, a partnership is equal.
50/50.
Are you meeting 50% of his needs?
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