Traditionally, women are younger than their male partners, which is a norm that’s accepted in many cultures. When we see a lady walk down the road with an obviously younger male partner, we tend to do a double take, or the thought crosses our minds that she must be a cougar.
The “obvious” reasons pop into frame at this point—she must be into younger-man-sex and he must have mommy issues or be with her for security. Yet, many more mature women are turning to younger guys, and the reasons aren’t that obvious.
When I recently started a discussion at a group lunch addressing the topic, I had some very interesting insights and contrary opinions from the ladies and men at the table. Here’s what we found.
Why Trust Doves-of-Love
Is It All About the Sex-Appeal?
The first instinct is that it must be a sex thing when an older woman hooks up with younger men. And while this may be true for a large age-gap (in some instances), it isn’t necessarily the sole reason why younger men are becoming more and more attractive to older ladies.
Young men may have great energy and sexual passion that older men may lack, but it’s not the main attraction to mature ladies who choose young men. So prepare for a shock, if this is what you’ve always thought.
What Constitutes a “Younger” Guy?
To start, let’s get a consensus on what exactly is a “younger” man. It doesn’t have to be a lady in her forties shacking up with a young guy (fresh out of his teen diapers). Instead, it could be a young man in his twenties matching with a mature lady in her thirties, forties, and fifties (and beyond).
While we’ve all seen celeb relationships with bigger gaps, these are rare, and often there are other factors involved that most “regular” relationships don’t have (such as fame, glory, and shock value for the paparazzi). So, for the sake of clarity, I am speaking about age gaps of 10-15 years.
10 Reasons Why Older Women May Choose a Younger Guy
There are several reasons why an older or more mature woman may choose to partner with a younger man. These include:
Being intimate with a younger partner can be a huge thrill for someone who isn’t attracted to a partner of their generation. When you cross a certain threshold in age, men tend to take less care of themselves, and they can begin to show physical decline.
The allure of a younger man’s body is a powerfully persuasive factor for a more mature lady, especially if she’s been disappointed by “older” men who have not put in the work she has to maintain a good physique.
Younger Men Smell Better
Since younger men are physically stronger and in better shape than older men, they are also known to put in more effort to smell better and practice better personal hygiene. Older men may also begin losing their naturally alluring scent as age kicks in and certain hormones such as testosterone start to decline.
Younger men also sweat a bit more, especially when they are physically active, which releases androstenol, a male hormone that is like honey to a bee when it comes to older ladies.
Less Emotional Baggage
Young men have likely not been as emotionally beaten by life as an older man has. So older women may prefer to partner with a younger man who is still a “clean slate” in life. Also, some older men get pressed down by life and start getting more grumpy as they age, making them less attractive to older women.
Fewer Familial Strings Attached
The chances of a young man having several ex-wives, a string of children, and a slew of ex-girlfriends are less likely. Family attachments bring complications, so a younger man has fewer strings attached and can more easily commit to his older partner.
A More Positive Life Outlook
With youth comes a generally more positive life outlook, which is charming in itself. A mature lady wants to feel happy and positive, so she will gravitate to this.
Less Risk of Being Dominated
Mature ladies already know what they want in life, and they’re not about to change for a man who wants to “be the man” in the relationship. A younger man may be more open to independent relationships and not seek to be the boss.
Respect for Independence
Younger men may also be more forward thinking and less likely to expect an older woman to fulfill a traditional role of the “woman” in the relationship, so he will respect her independence more.
No Pressure to Start a Family
Young men are still exploring life and their role in it, so having children and being a father is lower on their list of priorities, which takes some pressure off an older lady to “get barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.”
Respect for Her Career
Mature men may not see a woman’s career as anything other than how she keeps herself busy. Young men are more liberal and see the value to a woman of having a career as something she can excel at and succeed in the workplace too. This respect for her career is very attractive to a career lady.
Healthier and More Energetic
Young men tend to look after themselves better than older men do. They are generally healthier, fitter, and more energetic, which means they want to go places, do things, and have the stamina to woo their ladies.
5 Reasons Why Older Women May Not Choose a Younger Guy
Of course, some women won’t choose a younger man, and here’s why:
He May Have Different Interests
Young men may still be into youthful interests like gaming and action sports, which could be a turn-off to a mature lady.
Young Men Are Less Sexually Experienced
While young men may have loads of energy, they can lack true stamina in bed. Also, a very young man may still be sexually inept and clumsy, and an older lady may not want to fulfill the role of his bedroom teacher.
Young Men Are Not Financially Settled Yet
Since he’s still starting out in his career and has study debt to pay or is still climbing the career ladder, an older woman may find this a turn off as she won’t want to be his sugar-mommy unless that’s something she’s intentionally into.
Wanting to Avoid a Social Stereotypical Judgment
There’s some judgment when a mature lady partners with a much younger man, and she may fear being called “mutton dressed up as lamb” when seen in public with her younger partner, which can lead to her ending things after an initial fling.
Fearing the Relationship Will Fail as She Ages
With her increasing age, she will move past her prime way before he reaches his prime, which can cause problems. Knowing this, some women may choose not to risk a relationship that seems doomed as they age.
How to Attract a Younger Man
So, if you’re an older lady, how do you go about attracting a younger man if that’s something you’re interested in?
Here are a few tips to help you find a younger love:
Take Great Care of Yourself
When you are in peak physical condition and have taken good care of your appearance, you increase the chances of attracting a younger man. Color your hair, wear flattering clothes, and exfoliate as part of your beauty routine.
Read up on Age-Appropriate Literature
You’ll probably want to have conversations with your younger man, so read up on things that may interest young men. He’s not likely to share the same interests as you, so meet him halfway.
Take up Energetic Hobbies
Young men love being physically active, so take up outdoor hobbies like rock climbing, cycling, running, and even some high-octane hobbies like biking. These hobbies are also likely to introduce you to younger men who have similar interests. So join clubs and go to team events.
Online dating is excellent for finding a younger man as you can set age as a search parameter with most dating platforms. This is also a great way to meet several younger men, chat in a safe and obligation-free way, and really connect before taking the leap to meet.
Make Younger Lady Friends
Young men tend to have young ladies as friends, so finding some younger ladies to hang out with is a great way to meet younger men. Socialize with the younger women from your job or club. Remember: be confident, not desperate.
How to Attract an Older Woman
If you’re a younger man and want to find an older woman as you crave her experience, maturity, and great company, there are a few things you can do:
- Be confident and respectful.
- Never assume you know her.
- Treat her with respect and pay your own way.
- Listen more than you talk, and flirt in an intelligent way.
- Treat her as an equal in life, bed, and in the relationship.
Final Thoughts: Remain Open & Honest
Relationships are hard, and it can be a challenge to make it work, no matter your age differences. Remember to remain open and honest with each other and never take anything for granted.
For more on how to keep your relationship happy, read my handy guide.