Jealousy is a natural emotion, so just why do you need to stop feeling jealous or envious of your current romantic partner, your ex, or your ex’s new lover?
You can use jealousy for good, but when the nasty green-eyed monster rear its ugly, twisted head, it’s time to stop, evaluate, and get a grip on your emotions. Excessive jealousy only brings negativity into your life as the single thought you are consumed with is desperately wanting what your partner or ex has and you don’t.
It more than stings, and that’s a warning sign.
Here’s everything you need to know about how to stop being jealous so it doesn’t take over your life (or not more than it may currently do).
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Why Are You Jealous?
When you feel jealous, you experience anger, bitterness, resentment, embarrassment, overwhelm, inadequacy, abandonment, insecurity, and unhappiness because your loved one, ex, or their partner has what you don’t have.
It could be something they own or are trying to take away from you, and this is a real threat to you, whether or not it is actually real or just imagined.
Jealousy results from:
- A low self-esteem
- Feeling possessive over your partner or your ex
- Having an inferiority complex
- Fearing betrayal and abandonment
- Being highly neurotic and having perfectionist tendencies
- An insecure or unhealthy attachment style
- Not living in the real world and having unrealistic expectations
- Mental health conditions, such as depression, paranoia, anxiety disorders, and more
Why Should You Stop Feeling Jealous of Your Partner, Ex, or Ex’s New Partner
When you are excessively jealous, you may become irrational, which can lead to abuse, distrust, and paranoia. When jealousy has a negative impact on your life, you could lose your romantic partner and a chance at happiness.
It can – quite literally – consume your life, and this kind of negative jealousy is unhealthy. It’s draining and holds you back from enjoying a healthy and happy relationship with yourself and your partner.
7 Steps to Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner, Ex, or Ex’s New Partner
1. Accept Your Emotions
Two of the best things you can do in any situation (before you do anything else) is to become aware of what you are feeling and then accept your emotion.
In this case, it’s probably jealousy of your partner’s promotion or other success they’ve achieved, it could be how well your ex is doing (without you), or how beautiful, slim, or successful your ex’s new partner is.
Whatever the case, accept your jealousy.
Jealousy is just an emotion, and by denying how you feel, it causes more harm than good. Make time to pause and feel what you feel. Just let it be. Only then can you move through it and change your jealousy into something positive, something you can learn from.
2. Figure out Why You Feel Jealous
When you’ve accepted your jealousy, you can move on to the next step, which is to find the deeper message (aka why you are jealous). Ask yourself questions like these, and remember to be honest:
- Do I feel threatened?
- Do I feel unworthy? Why?
- What can I learn from my partner’s newfound success?
- How can I heal from this and let go of my anger, bitterness, and unhappiness?
Keep delving into the why of your jealousy until you find the reason. Consider talking to a trusted friend, a therapist or counselor, practicing meditation, or journaling to help you.
3. Stop Comparing
Society, our parents, teachers, and mentors teach us that we should compare ourselves to other people because that’s how we are motivated to do better and be better.
WRONG!
There is no use in comparing yourself to others. In fact, you’ll only be downright miserable and can easily spiral into a depressive bout when you compare yourself versus others.
What other people do or don’t do is their business, not yours. You are your business, and that’s what you need to focus on. If you feel the need to compare to learn, grow, and improve, then compare the you from yesterday, a month ago, or five years ago with the you from today, the you that you are now. You are unique, and so is your journey.
I always think of that one quote: “Don’t compare your chapter 1 to someone else’s chapter 20” and you never know what chapter of someone else’s life you can compare to your start, middle, or end.
So when you stop comparing yourself to others, you stop feeling jealous too.
4. Remember: Life Ain’t Fair
This one is a biggie, and it hurts, especially if you desire fairness, quality, and justice.
But as John F Kennedy said, “Life isn’t fair. It never was and it never will be.”
Harvey McKay takes that quote and adds, “… you still have to deal with it. Whining about it rarely levels the playing field, but learning to rise above it is the ultimate reward.”
So when you are so submerged in thoughts that life isn’t fair, you generalize, thinking about what you deserve and are entitled to versus what others deserve. This wastes time and energy because what anyone “deserves” is irrelevant.
Focus on what’s in your control (that’s only you, by the way) and what isn’t (that’s everything else). You just need to work on being the best authentic you without keeping score.
5. Cultivate a Growth or Abundance Mindset
When you have a scarcity or limitation mindset, you believe you don’t have enough time, effort, and resources, and so, you become jealous because you believe that whatever your partner, ex, or ex’s partner has takes away from what resources, success, and happiness is available for you.
Not everything in life is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and when other people are beautiful, successful, and talented, that doesn’t mean you can’t also be those things.
So rather than believing there ISN’T enough, cultivate a growth or abundance mindset and start believing there IS more than enough resources, opportunities, money, and time to go around. You’ll release fear, worry, stress, and any pressure because you are focusing on your goals as you see the world from a place of growth or abundance.
6. Channel Jealousy into Something Positive
Jealousy is just an emotion, and how you internalize it and act on it makes it a positive or negative emotion. When you are jealous in your relationship or of your ex, turn it into something positive. Let it motivate you to work harder on your own authentic journey.
If you are currently overweight and have let yourself go (and you are jealous of the stunning partner your ex has), use your jealousy to fuel your passion to live a healthier life where you make good food choices and exercise (to make yourself happy and not to show up your ex).
7. Count Your Blessings
When you practice gratitude, you are thankful for everything you have and you don’t worry about what you don’t have. In fact, when you aren’t grateful, you are more likely to feel envious or jealous, according to a 2018 study.
Since there’s a direct correlation between more gratitude and less jealousy (or less thankfulness and more jealousy), it’s time to be more grateful.
Include gratitude in your everyday life by:
- Noticing everything you have to be grateful for and appreciate them.
- Being mindful and totally immersing yourself in the moment as you enjoy an experience.
- Practice gratitude journaling and use prompts when you need inspiration.
- Be grateful for the role your partner plays in your life
- Build gratitude habits where you share a moment of thankfulness with your family at least once a week
Final Thoughts
It’s not easy to live with jealousy, even though it’s an emotion everyone has felt at least once in their life. While jealousy can fuel you to go after your dreams, it can also cause a downward spiral, take over your life, and wreak havoc on your life and current relationship.
Don’t let it get to this point. You are worthy of more.
So be grateful, accept your jealousy, find out why you feel jealous if you don’t know (but dive deeper to get to the root cause so you can start healing), and stop comparing yourself to your partner or ex.
Don’t focus on why life isn’t fair, and live abundantly.
Want to work on your relationship? Do these 50 relationship questions with your partner to feel more connected.
Or read these relationship quotes to inspire you today!
Wanna find out how to meet an amazing foreign woman and have experience in International dating, but you have no idea how to start it. Keep calm, we are right here to help! ☝️ Ask Krystyna
